Too often true encouragement is obscured by fake, filtered fluff.
“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
Hebrews 3:13 (NIV84)
What Encouragement Is: Repentance Rally, not Pep Rally
I have caught myself thinking, “I’m not a very good encourager — I’m not that good at sharing things that make people feel all warm and fuzzy.” I have wondered if I should feel bad that I’m not one of those people who seem to have an endless supply of “inspirational quotes” to post and share on social media or text to my friends. When I was entertaining this line of thought recently, Hebrews 3:13 came to mind.
“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
Hebrews 3:13 (NIV84)
Encouragement, according to Scripture, doesn’t have as much to do with feelings as it has to do with repentance from sin. As we all know from personal experience, we choose to sin because sin feels good, at least for a moment or in the short term. We don’t usually choose to sin because it makes us feel bad. Encouragement is not needed to manipulate feelings; it is needed because sin is tempting and it takes mental toughness, and loving support, and the work of the Holy Spirit to fight it.
Truth + Love + Grace… and Basketball
Encouragement is also not telling people the truth without love and grace. It is telling the truth, but the person telling the truth needs to be motivated by love (not strong loving feelings, but a commitment to the other person’s best) and speaking with grace (in a way that allows for the fact that none of us are perfect and all of us fall short of God’s glory and standards [See Romans 3:23]).
Let’s say there’s a basketball coach, and it’s halftime, and this coach has a player who has only shot three-pointers every time she has had the ball. She has made zero baskets and the opposing team has gotten most of the rebounds from her missed shots. The coach could…
(a) tell her what she wants to hear: “You are going to knock down some threes! I just know it! Believe in yourself, and keep trying, and it’s going to happen!”
(b) tell her the truth, minus love & grace: “You stink at shooting threes. You may never sink one in a game. You’re kind of short, even for a guard, and not that great a shooter. If you get the ball, pass it to a teammate who’s a better shooter. Make sure it’s a bounce pass.”
(c) tell her the truth in love with grace: “You’re not hitting any three-pointers tonight. This game is not the time to practice that. But I’ve seen you make plenty of baskets from about a foot inside the three-point line. That’s your sweet spot! When you get the ball, move yourself into that zone and shoot. If you can’t get open, pass to a teammate. You can practice three-pointers on your own time.”
For biblical encouragement, choose…
not (a),
Answer (a) sets up the player and the team for failure. In all likelihood, the player will hear these words and keep shooting for threes, will not hit any three-pointers in this game, and the team will lose. The player will either blame herself for not trying hard enough or not believing in herself enough, or she will blame others because anyone the coach has cheered on like she was cheered on couldn’t possibly be to blame for the loss. Her teammates will probably blame both the three-point-shooting player and the coach for the loss which will cause future problems and team drama.
The player may blame the coach for lying to her, and rightly so! Even if the player happened to hit one three-pointer, and the team squeaked out a win because of the one shot, the celebration wouldn’t last long. This way of thinking is faulty. The player will likely miss most, if not all, threes in the future, and when she applies the illogic of “believe in yourself” and “keep trying” in other areas of life, she will miss out on important life lessons such as “hard work pays off” and “learn to find your strengths and use them; own up to your weaknesses and adjust for them.”
not (b),
Answer (b) is the truth. But it isn’t that helpful. And it certainly isn’t loving or gracious. It might win this ballgame, but it will demoralize the player. The player might turn out to be the type who will rise up and overcome the harsh words from her coach, but it will be in spite of the coach — any coach who says this type of thing does not have the player’s best interests in mind. The player could be the type that takes these words too much to heart and becomes convinced she is “less than” and will “never” be able to improve.
but (c).
Answer (c) is encouraging in the biblical sense. These words have a mixture of truth, love, and grace. The player needs to deal with the reality of her poor three-point performance if she is to have any hope of improving. The player needs to respect the fact that she is not the only player, she is one of a team who all have something at stake. She needs to know there is a time for honing your skills and a time for playing to your strengths — game time is the time to give your best.
The coach doesn’t leave the player to guess about her strengths, either. The player doesn’t have to do any mind-reading about her role in this game. The coach also doesn’t shut down the possibility of her improving in her weak area; Coach just makes it clear there is a more appropriate time and place for that kind of work.
What Encouragement Is NOT: Positivity without Truth
Too many times in my life I have equated answer (a) with encouragement. Positivity without truth is empty. Positivity with partial truth is just as empty! Consider the many times you’ve seen or heard a Bible verse shared as an encouragement. It’s from God’s Word; there is truth there. But pulling a verse or two out of a passage most often means you’ve lost the context, which means you’ve lost the truth Scripture is conveying. Let’s take Philippians 4:13, for example.
“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Notice right off the bat the pronoun “him” in this verse. You have to have some context to even know the one who strengthens you! Most know this references Christ, but it takes more than this verse alone to know that.
Out of context, “all things” can mean ALL THINGS. He, Christ, can give me strength to do everything. While it is true that Christ has the ability to give you strength for anything and everything (He is omnipotent/all-powerful), He is not going to give you strength to do anything and everything. How do I know this? Read the three previous verses first.
You’ve heard it before, but it’s true: Context is key.
“I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:10-13 (NIV84)
Phil. 4:13 is an answer to a question implied in verses 11 and 12.
Q: What is the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want?
A: You can do everything through Him who gives you strength.
The writer is not saying Jesus is his personal genie-in-a-bottle, granting him strength for whatever he wishes. The writer (whom we have not actually identified in any of the verses we have read so far) is saying Jesus gives him the strength to be content.
The context is contentment.
Content: "1. desiring no more than what one has; satisfied" "2. Ready to accept or acquiesce (to consent or comply passively without protest); willing" (The American Heritage College Dictionary, 4th ed.)
I wonder, when a basketball player writes “Phil. 4:13” in Sharpie on her shoe, is she thinking, “Whatever happens on the court tonight, I can be content, because Christ gives me the strength to be content in every circumstance.”
More often, I imagine athletes (and others, including myself when I was a teen!) use this verse as motivation of the “believe in yourself” variety: “Jesus will give me the strength to play my best and win this ballgame.”
Context before Application
I’m not saying it’s wrong to memorize, quote, or have favorite Bible verses — but we need to understand the context before we apply them to our lives! One of my confusions when I was a Christian teen was about where “believe in yourself” ends and “Christ gives me strength” begins. It was confusing because, as we have just seen, this verse is not about getting what I want; it is about being satisfied with what I do have and willingly accepting that there are things I don’t have and won’t have. Christ isn’t giving me strength to get what I want! He is giving me strength to be perfectly fine with not getting what I want and dealing with what I have that I don’t want! I want to avoid “believe in yourself” and similar confusions that come from ignoring context, for myself and for my children.
How about this pregame prayer for the ballplayer who considers context?
“Father God, Help me play this game in such a way that it brings You glory and honors the name of Christ. Whatever happens, I pray Jesus will give me the strength to be content: to find my satisfaction in You, and to accept that You, Yourself, are more than enough to meet my needs and exceed my wants. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Content with Ups and Downs
Anyone who…
- wants to play to glorify God will not be apathetic or uncaring and nonchalant; they will play to the best of their ability through Christ.
- wants to honor the name of Christ as they play will not overreact to the calls of the referees, or engage in rude or inappropriate behavior, or use foul or negative language. Instead, they will be on their best behavior, polite, respectful, sincere, truthful and gracious through Christ.
- trusts Christ to keep them content produces the fruits of the Spirit no matter the circumstances.
If Christ satisfies me, I can be as content enjoying a win as suffering a loss.
If Christ really is enough for me, I can be as content celebrating my highest-scoring game as I am reflecting on the worst mistake I’ve ever made on the basketball court.
You may be thinking…
“Alicia, I am not a student-athlete (at least not anymore). I’m a mom. What does this have to do with me?” Please indulge me just a tad longer.
Contentment in Christ is the Encouraging Context
Contentment in Christ is not about outside circumstances. It is about a right relationship in Christ with the God who created you and the universe. Read what the apostle Paul, author of Philippians, wrote in the chapter before 4:13:
“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ — the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.”
Phil. 3:7-9 (NIV84)
Knowing Christ Jesus as Lord is surpassing greatness! Every worldly “profit” is loss compared to this! What’s more encouraging than that?
Now, you may be thinking…
OK, Alicia, you’ve made some decent points. However, what in the world does this have to do with a blog for moms?!?
My Goal for Moms in Hiding
I want the Moms in Hiding blog posts to encourage my sisters-in-Christ in the biblical sense of the word!
Say “No!” with me to:
- positivity without truth;
- positivity with partial, obscured truth;
- truth without love and grace.
Moms need real encouragement;
they need to hear the truth from God’s Word,
in context,
shared with love and grace.
This is my goal for Moms in Hiding.
“May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encourage-ment and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.”
II Thessalonians 2:16-17 (NIV)